Snow Flower and the Secret Fan

This lovely novel by Lisa See makes me wonder if my friend Jamie is right: I only like sad books.

The story is set in 19th-century rural China - a time when women had their feet bound, but formed special relationships (sworn sisters or the more-committed laotong - "old same") and even had a "secret" language with which to communicate called nu shu.

Lily, the main character and narrator, finds "deep-heart" love with her laotong, Snow Flower. Through her relationship, Lily learns that real love requires forgiveness and full acceptance of the other person - not a desire to change that person. This lesson, however, comes at a high price: Lily's destruction of the relationship. I understand why Lily does it: she feels that she has been lied to and betrayed one too many times. She fails, however, to look at the big picture: the lies dramatically improved the quality of her life.

In addition, because Lily is completely wrapped up in conventions, she knows nothing of true generosity until it is too late. As Snow Flower says to her on the mountain, Lily had everything, yet nothing.